I've been having a rough time these few days. Firstly, I came back from my first proper vacation which coincided with my birthday, so I'm blaming part of it on post-holiday blues. The other part would be that my whole body is aching, God knows if it's from the cold weather in London and Brussels, or from all the chemo drugs, and now radiotherapy.
I had so many story ideas, and I had wanted to update my blog but I've just been having foggy brains, and couple that with fatigue, I just lay in bed mostly, doing nothing. I forget stuff that I want to buy. I forget dates, days, names. It can be so frustrating at times, so I've just have had to write everything down in my Moleskine. Gosh it sucks being stupid and blur, and many seconds too slow. I used to frown upon people like these, and voila, I'm one now. Karma is a bitch.
I just started radiotherapy. I've had 4 sessions out of the 20 I need. Going to hospital daily for 5 minutes of radio is a pain in the neck. I drive myself to hospital, valet for RM12, and out of there in less than half an hour. It takes longer to get ready than to actually do the treatment.
I am starting to sound and feel pretty anxious. Am I on the road to a meltdown? I've been doing so well all this time. Well, it's no fun going to the hospital and seeing sick people daily. Most have visible burn marks from the radiation; two of whom I saw was on their necks. I think that shook me up quite a bit.
So far I have not had any burnt marks. Too early, says my oncologist. Probably in 2 weeks' time, depending on my skin -- I might feel some discomfort. So for now I just need to avoid soap around the affected area when I shower; no perfume or deodorant too.
I also need to exercise the affected arm as they reckon I would feel sore and feel some tightness, which I have already experienced.
I saw my oncologist today as I had my second chemo maintenance treatment of Herceptin. That took 2 hours from beginning to end. So all in I was in the hospital for 5 hours today. To do Herceptin followed by radio is really a double whammy. I feel irritated, due to the bone ache, and also interrupted sleep I've experienced for the past few nights.
I wake up in the middle of the night with hot flashes. I'm perspiring and my body feels like it's engulfed in flames. Not a nice feeling considering I haven't even started Tamoxifen, the hormone pill I need to take for the next 5 to 10 years. It is getting a lot more depressing with all the side effects that are slowly popping up.
My doctor prescribed some anti-inflammatory pills and also sleeping pills. I'm gonna pop some and hit the sack now.
Good nite folks. I can feel my brain shutting down. Knackered. May tomorrow be a better day for me and all those battling cancer and know what I'm going through. For those of you who are healthy, be thankful and go enjoy yourselves to the max! Don't worry about silly stuff like a bad hair day or fat thighs, all these are so trivial when you have your health.
P.S I managed to throw in an hour or so poring over beautiful handbags and shoes online. I think I hit me a nice handbag. That saved my day.
