Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Control what you can and pray hard

It's a public holiday today, and I'm now sitting in a quiet cafe, having my meal alone and what better place to write in my blog. 

This place also reminds me of my first venture into business, whereby just behind the block I'm in now used to be the home of my former business; a massage and spa centre called Bliss Aromatherapy which operated from 2000 till 2004. Life was much different then. I was newly married and ran my own business, and planning to have a baby. My daughter is now 13 years old. 

Today ... well my life isn't too shabby. I got used to being a single mom. I do the best I can and at other times I'm just winging it. I try not to be around those 'perfect' moms so I stay sane. I've accepted the fact that my approach to parenting is rather liberal but will get more into it in another post.

The good news is my cancer seems to be under control despite all the stress from the break-up of my marriage. I just completed my quarterly medical check-up and the doctors seem to be happy with my health. I do suffer from the effects of Tamoxifen but if it's gonna keep me alive then I just gotta live with the hot flashes and daily trial runs of how hell would be like!

Some things in your life you can control and some you can't -- like those horrible hot flashes in the middle of the night and  your partner falling in lust with someone else.

For the past few months I have been trying to be physically fit. From working out with a personal trainer in a gym I've moved on to Pilates. I'm doing Pilates regularly because it has helped with my frozen shoulder. And also because I like how it has taught me to be conscious of the different muscles and how my body can be affected by just being aware of my posture while standing, sitting or driving. 




I just read an article by Anythony Robbins that advices one who is going though pain and grief from a break-up. It says one should not hurry through the process of getting over it and moving on as soon as possible, instead it says take the time to live through the pain, learn and grow from it. 

Also to take charge of things that you can control such as being physically fit so you can then be in a better place to control your mental and emotional 
state.

Without realizing it I have been drawn to getting physically fit. It's like I wanna be strong to overcome the mental stress I've been going through. 

I've been also trying out new types of exercises like barre and also hula hooping. Just the other morning I went for a walk in the park. It was a refreshing change to be amidst beautiful greenery and to see other families hanging out. Makes me smile and feel all warmth inside that some people are lucky to have a great husband to love and support them, and to have a close-knit family.

It gives me hope that one day I will have my happy ending.  

And yes, I've started praying again.