Not many of you know that I was once a relationship writer, at a hip and happening lifestyle magazine, named Verve, when I was in my twenties. I enjoyed writing articles about relationships as I was excited to be meeting guys, and getting caught up in the dating game just like any other twenty something.
So when my editor, Linda, asked us to come up with ideas on what we were passionate to write about, I was drawn to writing about relationships. I found that many of our readers loved real-life stories of the highs and lows of a writer's dating life. Plus I enjoyed writing those stories and interviewing singles and couples on what made them tick! I was always looking for the perfect recipe for that perfect relationship, and happily ever after.
Now fast forward two marriages and countless date nights, I find myself once again drawn to studying and writing about relationships but this time for those in my age group. Many at 50 or even younger are back to dating after a divorce, death of a spouse, or simply wanting to form some new friendships once they have reached a comfortable stage in their careers. Once the kids are older and not time and attention-consuming, the focus shifts back to us once again.
After my second marriage broke down, about two years ago, at the age of 48, I found myself back in the dating scene. At first I felt so lazy to even bother to date. After two failed marriages, which now I don't see it as failed but just as 'completed time and experiences together', I was basically tired of men. It was either they liked me and I bullied them or I liked them and they bullied me, or the spark soon fizzled and we grew apart as the years went by.
I even joked to my sisters that wouldn't it just be better to exchange each other's hard-drive with all our information and be done with it, as dating was so time-consuming. And if we found each other interesting we then meet for our first date.
But that was such a wrong attitude to even begin dating again! I wasn't being fair to myself or the guys I was going to be dating. I asked myself what actually did I want. Am I fine with being single? Do I really need a partner or just some platonic male friends to go out with every once in a while. I already had a bunch of girlfriends who came from a diverse background.
So, the number one dating tip for those who have dated and got jaded, and is tired of it all, is to have a correct mindset and attitude. Ask yourself if you're ready to go back out there and meet, mingle and have an open mind about dating. We all come with our own baggage, some small, some big, and some excess. But it's how we choose to use the baggage as a learning experience, and get back out there with a happy, good attitude that will attract people in the same frame of mind and energy levels.
Would you go out with a guy who is emotionally unavailable and bitches about his ex's? That's not sexy and a turn-off. Same applies to a woman . When you decide to date and really enjoy getting to know the person you're dating, it becomes such a joy to go on dates.
Ask yourself what exactly are you looking for? At 50 years old and a whole lot of experiences in life you should know what you want by now. A friendship, friends with benefits, a committed relationship or perhaps marriage? Be clear of your goals, then go out there and have fun! You're gonna meet lots of guys when you go out with an open mind.
And when the guy you're dating turns to you and say, "You're so much fun to be with. Your ex must have been an idiot to ever let you go!" You know you either have a sweet talker or just maybe you're on the right track!
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