To love is to allow the other the space to grow as an individual

"Love one another,

               but make not a bond of love: 

Let it rather be a moving sea between

                           the shores of your souls."

-- Kahlil Gibran, Love Letters in the Sand: The Love Poems of Kahlil Gibran

You, yes you, darling complete yourself

Sometimes in the process of wanting something so badly, we lose sight on the reason as to why we are doing it. Many a time it's to feel secure and loved, and we try to look outside of ourselves to fill this void. 

In actual fact, we need to work on ourselves first, and to be a complete, happy and confident person who doesn't need someone to complete us. 

That someone who we meet and is in our life should just be a bonus that takes our lives to a higher state of fulfillment. With or without this person, we can be complete and happy with ourselves. We look inward for our own happiness and anything outward that we connect with is just an added bonus.

Relationships will be so much easier if individuals come into it as a whole person, instead of looking towards each other to fill in the gaps that are lacking within oneself. Sooner or later when this person is unable to constantly prove to be supporting that emptiness or 'thing' that is lacking, discontentment arises and then the unhappiness surface, and tears the relationship apart. Simply because we chose to be in a relationship when we were not ready and for all the wrong reasons.

Get to know yourself. Because you, and only you can complete yourself. To be happy and fulfilled within is your goal, and not others. You decide on your happiness. 

Reflections On Mother's Day. One advice my mom gave that I should have listened to.

My mom may not have had the highest of tertiary education but she sure as hell knows a lot about life from the school of hard knocks. Her experiences in life made her a strong person, and no matter what kind of relationship you may have with your mother, you know deep within that some of the stuff your mothers stress on are usually right. 

She may not have the tact to tell you nicely but do listen to her two cents worth as mothers have seen it, done it, and heck don't wish the same for their children.

This Mother's Day, I actually had a few moments to reminisce on my life and to ponder on all that my mom had instilled in me. Being a single mom, I often wondered, if I had listened to just half of what she was saying,  would I be in the position I find myself in today?

Lessons from my mom :
Firstly, always have a job and career. Never depend solely on a man, even if he is your husband, for financial support. Women need to be financially independent, for you never know when you have to rely on yourself alone to continue living the life that you have been accustomed to.

You lose a little of yourself and your voice when you have to depend on a man. If things do turn sour, you will always have your career to fall back into and to carry on with life. Money is important so we can  do what we want and need in life. Don't let love, family or kids blind you to everything. You need to have savings, and a career. Period.

I feel I may have failed on this advise as two years ago, I lost my business and ever since then I have been struggling to make a comeback, whether it is to find new employment or to start a new business. I lost everything in that business, and just as it is when things just change, I went through a divorce at the same time. So life was low at that time but then again I met my current partner then and that helped me to pull through the rough patches.

Note to myself: Get your finances in order. Follow your passion and the money will flow. Stay focused and just do it. Perseverance pays.

My mom also told me many years ago when I first started dating, that you should be with a guy that loves you more than you love him. I've no idea why she believes this but I guess when someone loves you more than you do them then it is harder for them to hurt you, and if they do hurt you, you are in a better position to pick yourself up from the break up. I may be wrong on this one but I have no idea or how on earth to measure if my partner loves me more than I do him.

All I do know is it's important to be with someone that you trust, respect and love, and both of you  complement each other. As long as he doesn't have obvious flaws like being a gambler, womanizer or drunk then the rest I can be deal with.

My mom also advised us to never ever be with a man if he ever hits us. Just leave. "No second chances on this one, " she said. "Once he lays his hands on you, he will always do so." Thank God I never went out with such a guy.

One thing I really admire in my mom is that she is such a fighter besides of course having a big, kind heart.
My mom, till today at the age of 77, is a strong-willed person who is going to all lengths to fight for her life. She has angio sarcoma of the breasts and has gone through three major surgeries in the span of  nine months. She is still battling on. She wants to live. 

I know deep within I do have that fighting spirit, thanks to her, and life is going to be just fine if I hold on to her words of wisdom.

Happy Mother's Day.

Do You Hide Things From Your Partner

Is it alright to hide things like meeting someone in an airport and chatting with them, and then keeping in touch with them from your partner?

Let's say your partner is very open and talks about everything to you, and both of you are honest with one another; so is it fair if you hide things from each other at times especially when it concerns meeting and making new friends with someone of the opposite sex.

Do you not tell because you just simply didn't t think it was important, or you don't want your partner to know and be jealous or suspicious, or you just want to have some fun on the side and hope you will not be found out.

If nothing comes out of it then no harm done for not telling and you have a new friend of the opposite sex.

But what happens when you get found out, or you casually develop a liking for your newfound friend, and things progress deeper and you develop feelings.

Have you been fair to your partner?

If you are still new in a relationship and this happens, it may be the case that you are not ready for a serious relationship and commitment with your partner.

If this happens when you are already together for a long time, more than three years for example, it could be a case of boredom.  I may be generalizing too much here, but bottom line is if you hide something from your partner you probably have to ask yourself this; why am I doing this?

I lost my perfect vision on my 40th birthday, I swear

I woke up a day after my 40th birthday, and my vision was blur.

Before this I had perfect vision.

I rubbed my eyes, and things looked blur. It wasn't so obvious at first, but as the weeks when by, I was straining my eyes to read the newspapers in the morning. And it sure was a struggle to read the text messages on my Iphone. I had to increase the font size, better still squint my eyes, and that formed small tiny lines on my forehead. Heaven forbid!

Anyway, that's the first tell-tale sign that a lady is in her forties (as you know it is quite difficult to guess an Asian ladies age).She has her reading glasses on, or she is caught squinting her eyes while reading her text messages and food menu.

I had my eyes checked and welcomed reading glasses into my life.

Since I only need glasses for reading, it can be a little of a chore to slip them on when you need them and off again post-reading. And as time passes by I know my vision is just gonna deteriorate. So whenever I'm in front of the computer or reading I take a break every half an hour or so to relax my eyes, hoping this helps.

Well, this is all part of moving along in life, I so hate the word growing old or ageing. Sounds like I'm on my way out.

I still have lots on my bucket list before I kick the bucket I want to be able to complete every darn item on it.