Tuesday, July 31, 2018

The #1 Dating Tip Every Single Over 50 Woman Needs To Know

If you wait long enough life does come back in full circle. You get drawn once again to what makes you happy, what you're passionate about, and what lights up your face and forms a genuine smile across it.

Not many of you know that I was once a relationship writer, at a hip and happening lifestyle magazine, named Verve, when I was in my twenties.  I enjoyed writing articles about relationships as I was excited to be meeting guys, and getting caught up in the dating game just like any other twenty something. 

So when my editor, Linda, asked us to come up with ideas on what we were passionate to write about, I was drawn to writing about relationships. I found that many of our readers loved real-life stories of the highs and lows of a writer's dating life. Plus I enjoyed writing those stories and interviewing singles and couples on what made them tick! I was always looking for the perfect recipe for that perfect relationship, and happily ever after. 



Now fast forward two marriages and countless date nights, I find myself once again drawn to studying and writing about relationships but this time for those in my age group. Many at 50 or even younger are back to dating after a divorce, death of a spouse, or simply wanting to form some new friendships once they have reached a comfortable stage in their careers. Once the kids are older and not time and attention-consuming, the focus shifts back to us once again. 

After my second marriage broke down, about two years ago, at the age of 48, I found myself back in the dating scene. At first I felt so lazy to even bother to date. After two failed marriages, which now I don't see it as failed but just as 'completed time and experiences together', I was basically tired of men. It was either they liked me and I bullied them or I liked them and they bullied me, or the spark soon fizzled and we grew apart as the years went by.

I even joked to my sisters that wouldn't it just be better to exchange each other's hard-drive with all our information and be done with it, as dating was so time-consuming. And if we found each other interesting we then meet for our first date.

But that was such a wrong attitude to even begin dating again! I wasn't being fair to myself or the guys I was going to be dating. I asked myself what actually did I want. Am I fine with being single? Do I really need a partner or just some platonic male friends to go out with every once in a while. I already had a bunch of girlfriends who came from a diverse background. 

So, the number one dating tip for those who have dated and got jaded, and is tired of it all, is to have a correct mindset and attitude. Ask yourself if you're ready to go back out there and meet, mingle and have an open mind about dating. We all come with our own baggage, some small, some big, and some excess. But it's how we choose to use the baggage as a learning experience, and get back out there with a happy, good attitude that will attract people in the same frame of mind and energy levels.

Would you go out with a guy who is emotionally unavailable and bitches about his ex's? That's not sexy and a turn-off.  Same applies to a woman . When you decide to date and really enjoy getting to know the person you're dating, it becomes such a joy to go on dates. 

Ask yourself what exactly are you looking for? At 50 years old and a whole lot of experiences in life you should know what you want by now. A friendship, friends with benefits, a committed relationship or perhaps marriage? Be clear of your goals, then go out there and have fun! You're gonna meet lots of guys when you go out with an open mind.

And when the guy you're dating turns to you and say, "You're so much fun to be with. Your ex must have been an idiot to ever let you go!" You know you either have a sweet talker or just maybe you're on the right track!


Tuesday, July 03, 2018

Remembering my mom on her 5th year death anniversary

I can't believe it has been five years since my mom passed on after a recurrence of breast cancer after being seven years in remission. It feels that her presence lingers in every one of her children, some of us think or portray certain mannerisms like her. And when my siblings and I see that trait in either one of us, we highlight that fact and mention, "Oh My God, we are just like mom."

It's no surprise though as she had a big heart and even bigger personality. Writing about my mom, in a cafe in Bangsar, with a background music reminiscence of the good old days, feels like such a concidence. She loved music, and though she didn't exactly have a good singing voice, she could carry a tune or two when it came to her favourite songs. She loved the song, "If Tomorrow Never Comes" and we played that song at her funeral. Till today I can't bear listening to this song as it makes me think of her and I  miss her so much.

During my childhood, music was always heard when she was around. She would switch on the radio from the moment she woke up until she fell asleep at night. Every now and then you would hear her sing to the songs played in her high pitch voice. She loved country and western music. It was something about music that made her happy to stay at home while she cooked, did housework and baby-sat a few kids. She really loved children and she looked after at least over twenty children; she stopped doing so when my daughter, Megan, was born in 2003 as she then helped look after Megan and my sister's daughter, Maya.

When she passed on Megan was only ten. My mom had hoped she could live until Megan was at least 12 years old. I had asked my mom why 12, and she replied, "Megan would then be able to be old enough to look after herself." I'm sure she is watching over us, and she would be happy to see that Megan and Maya are have grown into beautiful teenagers. I was sad that, though she tried her best mentally and spiritually, her physical body just couldn't manage the spread of the angio sarcoma to her other vital organs. She was suffering, and in death she at least didn't have to.

Every year when her death anniversary is approaching I feel down. This year has been no different. I have had to endure weeks of feeling crap, reminiscing the good times and wishing she was still here with us. Whenever she stayed over with us, we would have breakfast and read the newspaper together. Morbid as it was, we used to go through the obituary section of The Star newspapers, and check to see if we knew anyone that had passed away. that was our thing. I still do so today when I'm reading the newspapers.

May your soul rest in peace Mama, till we meet again! You may be gone but your presence lives in every one of us.