It's supposed to be a happy time. But I can't stop thinking of my mom; she used to loved Christmas, especially decorating the Christmas tree. In honour of her, I asked my daughter to help me put up our tree early. We had it up by 2nd December. I wanted it to be all adorned with silver decorations.
It's sad coz I really miss her. We could never always see things in the same way but as time goes by I see so much of her in me. She always had so many stories to tell and there was never a dull moment with her around. I still can't quite deal with it really. She has left a void in all of our hearts.
I'm also feeling blue coz my husband won't be seeing us during the whole of December due to his flight schedules. He is super busy flying across the globe, and he seems to be having a good life. Nothing has changed for him except that I have cancer and stuck at home, very far away from him.
So it sucks big time. That would be like 50 days not seeing each other, the longest we have ever been apart from one another. So not only is my cancer a test for both of us but his job is also another test as we have to live apart from one another. What would we do without ft, viber and watsapp?
It doesn't help when I'm also feeling like I'm on an emotional roller coaster due to me having to handle my chemo treatment without him physically being around to support me. This is when I really hate marrying a pilot coz he is never around when I need him. It feels like you have a part time husband. I've no idea how other pilots' wives handle it.
It's gonna be a quiet Christmas too coz my elder brother and his family, and my eldest sister will be away. That leaves only my other sister and her family, and my dad to celebrate with us.
Every Christmas song that I listen to just makes me all teary eyed. That's the way it is for now. I guess I have to make the best of this Christmas with those who are with me. And that is so much already compared to those who would be spending it alone. (note to self: must always be grateful)
Merry Christmas folks!!!!
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| My mom loves flowers |
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| Love butterflies |
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| Got this thing about birds too, love them |
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