Remembering my mom on her 5th year death anniversary

I can't believe it has been five years since my mom passed on after a recurrence of breast cancer after being seven years in remission. It feels that her presence lingers in every one of her children, some of us think or portray certain mannerisms like her. And when my siblings and I see that trait in either one of us, we highlight that fact and mention, "Oh My God, we are just like mom."

It's no surprise though as she had a big heart and even bigger personality. Writing about my mom, in a cafe in Bangsar, with a background music reminiscence of the good old days, feels like such a concidence. She loved music, and though she didn't exactly have a good singing voice, she could carry a tune or two when it came to her favourite songs. She loved the song, "If Tomorrow Never Comes" and we played that song at her funeral. Till today I can't bear listening to this song as it makes me think of her and I  miss her so much.

During my childhood, music was always heard when she was around. She would switch on the radio from the moment she woke up until she fell asleep at night. Every now and then you would hear her sing to the songs played in her high pitch voice. She loved country and western music. It was something about music that made her happy to stay at home while she cooked, did housework and baby-sat a few kids. She really loved children and she looked after at least over twenty children; she stopped doing so when my daughter, Megan, was born in 2003 as she then helped look after Megan and my sister's daughter, Maya.

When she passed on Megan was only ten. My mom had hoped she could live until Megan was at least 12 years old. I had asked my mom why 12, and she replied, "Megan would then be able to be old enough to look after herself." I'm sure she is watching over us, and she would be happy to see that Megan and Maya are have grown into beautiful teenagers. I was sad that, though she tried her best mentally and spiritually, her physical body just couldn't manage the spread of the angio sarcoma to her other vital organs. She was suffering, and in death she at least didn't have to.

Every year when her death anniversary is approaching I feel down. This year has been no different. I have had to endure weeks of feeling crap, reminiscing the good times and wishing she was still here with us. Whenever she stayed over with us, we would have breakfast and read the newspaper together. Morbid as it was, we used to go through the obituary section of The Star newspapers, and check to see if we knew anyone that had passed away. that was our thing. I still do so today when I'm reading the newspapers.

May your soul rest in peace Mama, till we meet again! You may be gone but your presence lives in every one of us.