From lovers to strangers ...

The last time I cried through my pain, my lawyer scolded me for doing so. She said it was a sign of weakness. 

But I beg to differ.

To get over grief we must experience grief and all the different stages of emotions that we go through to get out of the black hole of despair. 

Looking across the room at my Chanel handbags, which on normal days would make me grin like a kid receiving gifts on Christmas, I feel detached from them. The beauty fades in comparison to the cold I feel in my heart and the numbness permeating throughout my body. 

My thoughts drifted to the day my husband told me that he had wanted to leave me for over a year since I  had cancer. He stayed on not because he cared for or loved me. He stayed on because the doctors he consulted told him that my rate of recovery and getting through the chemotherapy treatments would be affected if he left me then. 

Somehow his actions and his reason don't quite make sense. It is usually the case when one party wants to desperately end a relationship, they hurt the other person so badly so that the relationship ends badly and the person never wants to see or talk to them again. 

But what difference does it make now?

My treatments may be over but with cancer you are always on standby. You never know if they will be recurrence even with good prognosis. 

A trauma after a trauma isn't going to help me for sure. He might as well as left me when I was first diagnosed. 

To tell you the truth, I always felt I was fighting cancer alone. Unlike some husbands who stay with you throughout the treatments, he was never quite around. His job took him around the globe so he escaped many phases of my sickness, and side effects of the chemo.

I felt alone yet welcomed the fact that he didn't see me suffering as he wouldn't understand or emphasized with it. 

And now I feel more abandoned than ever. 

It's one thing to leave someone but it's another thing to leave one so brutally. What cold and mean heart did he have? We were so close yet I never saw that or was I blinded for over seven years? 

We never really argued much; and he always reconfirmed that I was the best travel partner he had and how he would just not be able to get over things if I had passed on.

And now, just like that, he had flipped and wants a new life. He has gone to the extend of deleting all photos of us on every social media site. As if I'm dead already. 

And he seems to be on one holiday after another basking in his newfound sense of happiness. Always in fantasy land and never really thriving in reality.

Sometimes you can be close to someone yet never quite know them at all. There is madness in all of us but more so in some. 

One day they tell you that you are the love of their  life then the next day you cease to exist for them. 

Yesterday would have been our second year wedding anniversary, after being together for over seven years.

Today, we are strangers once again.