If life gives you lemons ...

I'm having a pretty crappy day so I thought I'll try and stay positive by coming up with different variations to this.

If life gives you lemons ...

1) you grab a bottle of grey goose and tonic and get sloshed.

2) you add it to water and have a healthy alkaline drink!

3) you squirt some on your ex's eyes.

4) you make lemonade, drink it and shut up.

5) you find someone who life has given them vodka, and you both have a party. 

6) you exchange them for some ice-cream.

Life Oh Life, Beaten But Not Broken

I have recently experienced a gamut of emotions that have made me question life, and why someone that claimed to love you at some point in time turns around and cause you so much heartache.

I believe good and evil reside in all of us. For whatever reason it may be people can be evil and do things out of the norm; acting selfish without thinking of the pain they are inflicting on you.

I believe in karma, and I know that one day the people that have hurt me will beg for my forgiveness. So for now, I'm letting go of all the crap. I'm all cried out.

Some people come into your life for a short period of time, make you learn and grow and then they exit from your life so that you may continue this journey. One day I will look back at this period of my life and thank the person. This will be a blessing.

I have been through so much pain in life that I think it has numbed me. What hasn't destroyed me has toughened me instead. All I can say is, the cancer was easy to handle compared to the betrayal of a loved one.

And now I must move on to better things that are in store for me. I'm looking forward to my new life.


The Four Heavenly Fountains by Suzy Kassem

Laugh I tell you 

And you will turn back

the hands of time

Smile I tell you 

And you will reflect 

the face of the divine

Sing I tell you

And all the angels will sing with you

Cry I tell you

And the reflections found in your pool of tears 

Will remind you of the lessons of today and yesterday

To guide you through the fears of tomorrow

Why I need a personal trainer

I've finally listened to my oncologist's advice and started exercising. I'm one person who gets bored going to the gym -- in the past I'll go faithfully for a few weeks then just drop out. Something about routine that I dislike. 

So this time I decided to get a personal trainer to push me into getting fit. I hope it will get me committed to my goal of getting fit. I've no choice but to do whatever he asks me to and I quite like it.

It's personalized and I can't hide or not do the exercises. I also know he has a plan for my workout and it varies as I get better and stronger. I'm actually feeling much better and fitter. 

The workout starts with a 30-minute training followed by 30 minutes of FIR which means I sit in a wooden cabin and pretty much sweat buckets. The first time I couldn't even last in there for 10 minutes straight but today the 30 minutes flew by. 

And once I'm done they give me a smoothie which varies from fat burner to an energiising concoction; think I've tried three types already. All yummy.

So far it's been 2 weeks and I'm glad I didn't wait any longer to get fit. Still a long way to go but soon I'll go for the one hour training. 

Woohoo! Watch me get fit:) 

Now is the time to do all the things you always wanted to do

I love learning new stuff. And I always loved painting whether it was on Tshirts or glasses. I just feel so happy and relaxed when I have an outlet for my creativity.

I love doodling flowers and so when I learnt there was a class concentrating on flowers I had to sign up for it. It was great learning new colouring techniques and also to meet and mingle with people who shared the same interest. 

I never tire of learning new stuff. Doesn't matter what I'm always reading up and signing up for online courses. 

If you always wanted to learn something new or to refresh what you already know, just go do it. Stop putting it off. 

My Saturday afternoon was well spent when I look at my first attempt at water colour painting and the pretty flowers I painted. 😝

So you're looking for the perfect partner?

We are so busy looking for the perfect partner, well at least perfect according to our perception of a partner that can complement us in all areas of life, we forget that we need to ensure that we ourselves are pretty awesome to start with.

I spoke to an old friend yesterday and he said that he was in search of the perfect partner for himself. But first he was gonna work on himself so that when he met her he would already be 'ready' to invest in a relationship.  That makes sense; if you want something good then you better have something good to offer too and be ready for a relationship. 

All my life I never really prepared myself consciously before I got ready to be in a relationship. It just happened. When you fall in love, you simply fall. Just went with the flow, stupidly in love. That's the Aquarian in me, when we fall we fall hard. Maybe I didn't even give myself time to be alone and to reflect on my own weaknesses and what I really wanted and what needed to be worked on or healed. 

That figures as to why perhaps I didn't know when I met someone who were pretty much my soul mate but I was naive and screwed up. Looking back I had a couple of very good relationships (of course along with the horrible ones I wrote about before)  -- perhaps those would have worked out if I went prepared to be in a relationship. 

Now, even while being in a relationship, I'm working on myself more. Some habits and ways are not easy to change especially at my age, so I do feel like a bipolar on most days.

Note to self: look within, work within before you look outside for love or expect your partner to be perfect for you. ❤️

When someone dies suddenly

I write this with a heavy heart. I seldom regret things that I have done or haven't but this one is an exception. I wish I had made time for Kenny.

Kenny and I were friends since high school, and somehow we lost touch with one another over the years and reconnected via Fb last year. 

We quickly picked up on our friendship and had planned to meet up for coffee, but somehow with my treatments and busy travel schedule we never got to meet up.

In fact, he wished me on my birthday on February 18, and had asked to meet up again. But I never did make that happen.

Last nite while I was on Fb I found out from a mutual friend that Kenny had passed away after playing football. He was a fit guy and I used to tease him about it. He went for cycling competitions and he loved football, and planned to take up swimming so he could train in triathlons -- I found that out through one of his best friends, Jahabar.

When Kenny found out that I had breast cancer and was undergoing treatments he was very concerned and prayed for me. 

With cancer or other illnesses, you give others the chance to prepare themselves mentally that you may die from that illness. But with a sudden death such as a heart attack, you go into shock. Especially since he was health conscious and is easily one of the fittest guys I know. My heart is broken.

He was a good, decent and caring guy, with an infectious smile; he was so full of life. Sometimes I just can't understand why things happen as they do. 

Till we meet again Kenny for that coffee.

Rest in peace. ❤️

Is he bad for you?

I've had my share of choosing bad men over the good ones. You know the ones that stray whenever your back is turned, the party guys, the liars, the ones that never quite grew up and the ones that are just irresponsible.

But somehow these are the ones I'm drawn too as they live life recklessly, which can be exciting and exhilarating in a world when most things are so mundane. 

But after the initial thrill is gone, you then see these bad guys for what they really are. If you met him when both of you were out partying and having a good time, the party boy might still want to continue partying while you may have had enough of it. How many times a week can you wake up with a bad hangover? 

Your goals in life change over time and as we get older we tend to find other ways to find joy and happiness. 

I've been with guys who are players. 

He can love you and be nice to you, showering you with gifts and awesome holidays; and make you feel you are the most beautiful and important person in his life yet when he is away from you for long periods of time, he can and will be unfaithful to you. 

It's horrible to have to constantly check on your partner to know if he is cheating. Stalking his Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram accounts can be so tiring and stressful. Sometimes I think I may have been a sucker for punishment allowing myself to go through all this shit for a guy.

Was it even love or just my bruised ego, and thinking that I could repair a guy or make him change if he loves me. It's such a waste of time, I realize now.

I wasted all that time and suffered in silence, hurt by the betrayal and forever forgiving and only to have the same thing repeated.

Lies. Betrayal. They hurt. They change you. And most times these guys don't even know or care that they are hurting you.

For the longest time, I thought that if I was better at this and that, then these scumbags will change. But now I know the problems were in them. They had unresolved issues and they did things that made them feel happy, loved, or whatever -- whether it was me or another girl as their partner, they would do the same.

It took me so long to figure this out and to let go of these toxic emotions. 

Will a player ever change? Will a liar ever stop lying? Will it even matter anymore?