Is he bad for you?

I've had my share of choosing bad men over the good ones. You know the ones that stray whenever your back is turned, the party guys, the liars, the ones that never quite grew up and the ones that are just irresponsible.

But somehow these are the ones I'm drawn too as they live life recklessly, which can be exciting and exhilarating in a world when most things are so mundane. 

But after the initial thrill is gone, you then see these bad guys for what they really are. If you met him when both of you were out partying and having a good time, the party boy might still want to continue partying while you may have had enough of it. How many times a week can you wake up with a bad hangover? 

Your goals in life change over time and as we get older we tend to find other ways to find joy and happiness. 

I've been with guys who are players. 

He can love you and be nice to you, showering you with gifts and awesome holidays; and make you feel you are the most beautiful and important person in his life yet when he is away from you for long periods of time, he can and will be unfaithful to you. 

It's horrible to have to constantly check on your partner to know if he is cheating. Stalking his Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram accounts can be so tiring and stressful. Sometimes I think I may have been a sucker for punishment allowing myself to go through all this shit for a guy.

Was it even love or just my bruised ego, and thinking that I could repair a guy or make him change if he loves me. It's such a waste of time, I realize now.

I wasted all that time and suffered in silence, hurt by the betrayal and forever forgiving and only to have the same thing repeated.

Lies. Betrayal. They hurt. They change you. And most times these guys don't even know or care that they are hurting you.

For the longest time, I thought that if I was better at this and that, then these scumbags will change. But now I know the problems were in them. They had unresolved issues and they did things that made them feel happy, loved, or whatever -- whether it was me or another girl as their partner, they would do the same.

It took me so long to figure this out and to let go of these toxic emotions. 

Will a player ever change? Will a liar ever stop lying? Will it even matter anymore?