So your man is having mid-life crisis?

Yesterday while I was having dinner with my daughter, I looked across the room  to the other table and saw two elderly women. Both looked like they were in their 60's, and both looked well-groomed and obviously came from affluent backgrounds. 

With their coiffured hair, and classy dressing, it crossed my mind if they were still married and if yes, to their first husbands. 

Older men, especially those who go through bad mid-life crisis tend to look for younger women to make them feel good! I've had a few male friends of mine go through similar experiences, many ending up in divorces and mostly going on to the second phases of their lives with younger women in tow.

If a guy suddenly wakes up one morning and notices that he is overweight, has receding hairline and is no longer appealing to the opposite sex,  and by that I mean younger women in their twenties, they kinda freak out. 

These group of men probably have reached a certain level of accomplishment in their careers hence they are looking outward for superficial things that can make them feel better about themselves.

 I''ve spoken to a few guys, and they have confided in me that they feel that they need a fresh start in life and to actually enjoy live life to the fullest and more often than not the more pathetic the guys are the more they have a distorted sense of self-worth. They need a younger woman to make them feel young again. A new super bike just doesn't cut it anymore. 

So that leaves me wondering to all the older women out there who are abandoned by their husbands for younger women;  how do they feel about it and what do they do with themselves?

Do they start dating again and this time with younger men so they feel better about themselves? 

Or are they comfortable in their own skin and get busy doing things they had once sacrificed because they were busy doing all the things their husbands wanted when they were still married.

I'm gonna try and speak to women in similar situations and get the answers .

Till then, here's wishing you much love:)

From lovers to strangers ...

The last time I cried through my pain, my lawyer scolded me for doing so. She said it was a sign of weakness. 

But I beg to differ.

To get over grief we must experience grief and all the different stages of emotions that we go through to get out of the black hole of despair. 

Looking across the room at my Chanel handbags, which on normal days would make me grin like a kid receiving gifts on Christmas, I feel detached from them. The beauty fades in comparison to the cold I feel in my heart and the numbness permeating throughout my body. 

My thoughts drifted to the day my husband told me that he had wanted to leave me for over a year since I  had cancer. He stayed on not because he cared for or loved me. He stayed on because the doctors he consulted told him that my rate of recovery and getting through the chemotherapy treatments would be affected if he left me then. 

Somehow his actions and his reason don't quite make sense. It is usually the case when one party wants to desperately end a relationship, they hurt the other person so badly so that the relationship ends badly and the person never wants to see or talk to them again. 

But what difference does it make now?

My treatments may be over but with cancer you are always on standby. You never know if they will be recurrence even with good prognosis. 

A trauma after a trauma isn't going to help me for sure. He might as well as left me when I was first diagnosed. 

To tell you the truth, I always felt I was fighting cancer alone. Unlike some husbands who stay with you throughout the treatments, he was never quite around. His job took him around the globe so he escaped many phases of my sickness, and side effects of the chemo.

I felt alone yet welcomed the fact that he didn't see me suffering as he wouldn't understand or emphasized with it. 

And now I feel more abandoned than ever. 

It's one thing to leave someone but it's another thing to leave one so brutally. What cold and mean heart did he have? We were so close yet I never saw that or was I blinded for over seven years? 

We never really argued much; and he always reconfirmed that I was the best travel partner he had and how he would just not be able to get over things if I had passed on.

And now, just like that, he had flipped and wants a new life. He has gone to the extend of deleting all photos of us on every social media site. As if I'm dead already. 

And he seems to be on one holiday after another basking in his newfound sense of happiness. Always in fantasy land and never really thriving in reality.

Sometimes you can be close to someone yet never quite know them at all. There is madness in all of us but more so in some. 

One day they tell you that you are the love of their  life then the next day you cease to exist for them. 

Yesterday would have been our second year wedding anniversary, after being together for over seven years.

Today, we are strangers once again. 

Ouch ...

I've experienced pain in all forms from physical to mental. My threshold of pain has since moved from low to high. I've actually found that if I give in to the pain and accept it, the pain can be tolerated and conquered. Or, so I thought. Until I suffered from a toothache that required me to visit the same dentist twice and in tears because I couldn't heck the excruciating pain.

So here is my list of pain from the worst kind to the least.


1. Toothache that requires root canal

2. Biopsy of the breast

3. Post-surgery from caesarean

4.  Post-surgery from lumpectomy

5. Tattoo on the bony part of my body, e.g. my foot

6. Waking up with leg cramps 

7.Mammogram

8.Migraine

9. When the needle is inserted into my chemo port without any numbing cream

10.Gastritis

The other kind of pain, the one that stabs at your heart:

1) Death of a family member

2) When harm is done to my daughter and other family members

3) Betrayal from my lover

4) Betrayal from a close friend 

This is me suffering from a nasty toothache that requires a root canal 

If your body aches, you probably need to do this one thing

Change the mattress and pillows that you have been sleeping on.

I was suffering from all sorts of aches and pain; I thought it was my bones then my nerve and muscles, or the effect of all my medications.

Then I checked my mattress and realized whenever I slept elsewhere I wasn't in pain when I woke up. I slept better and was in a better mood.

So after months, someone special actually took the effort to change both my daughter's and my mattresses. Both of us were so grateful that we lay on the mattresses for a long time, moving from one room to another, just feeling how great our bodies felt laying on the firm, new ones compared to the old ones that had the springs biting into our bodies.  

Now we are both happy campers as we do love sleeping.

One word to describe our sleep -- bliss.

Thank you N.

A poem to myself

Hey you,

Be sad, cry, rant, punch a bag

Just feel your pain, your anger,

Then accept the hurt and grief

And walk on 

These feelings like all good or bad don't last

You will smile once again

Even laugh tears of joy

You will look back at this moment in your life 

and count your blessings 

The bad times that crushed the fragile you 

And the inner sadness you try so hard to hide 

Have in fact made you Love yourself again 

You are enough,

complete 

Someone is gonna love you 

As you are

Beautiful soul

Warm heart

You glow with so much life and love within 

You deserve to be at peace with yourself 

and

embrace the love from someone who loves like you do

He is waiting for you,

Beautiful you.

Poison

How do you look at yourself in the mirror

Knowing that you lie to yourself and to others 

How do you stand tall

When you fall short in being a gentleman.

How do you laugh

When you have made her cry

How do you sleep at night

When you are the reason she lays awake.

How do you continue living with yourself 

Knowing you are the reason for her grief.

What do you see in yourself 

When you can't be true to yourself 

Look, yes take a look at yourself in the mirror once again, 

Now live with what you see.

You can only rely on one person in your life

I've realized that nobody is responsible for you. You come to this world alone and you leave it alone.

If you wanna be happy, you do things that make you happy because nobody is gonna be responsible for your happiness. They might do or say things that make you happy but they can't and won't be doing it forever. 

They may be your partner, friend or family but people change, nothing remains the same -- not me or you either.  The good times never last and neither do the bad times. You just go through all the moments and live it.

If you give up your independence for someone make sure you know what is in store for you. You don't want to wake up one day and realize you sacrificed so

much for someone who merely took you for granted. You were both in the same car but had different destinations on your minds. 

For a few weeks now I had wanted to get a hold of a book called 'Bringing Home The Birkin' and someone told me he will try to get a hold of it but I guess he had forgotten about it. 

Anyway, I was in Kinokuniya today to buy another book but at the same time I asked the sales person about this book. I remembered about this book. And I was so happy they had a copy of it and I've already started reading it  -- devouring every page. Finally. 

I guess my point is people forget what you tell them and what matters to you (to get this book because I need it for my business) and if you really want something then just go and get it yourself. 

Just like being happy, go do stuff, whatever you want, even if you can't afford a glass of Moet, go bloody drink it if that makes you happy!